Monday, 24 November 2008

• Currently Jacob's Ladder By Tim Robbins, Elizabeth Peña, Danny Aiello, Matt Craven, Pruitt Taylor Vince see related

  Second Wife's Candied Yams.

  It's been a long couple of weeks. I've finally managed to appease to the damned demons setting the heat upon my soul, and found myself some decent lodging. I've also acquired a new computer machine from one of the children I had to sacrifice. Washing his blood out of all the little electronic gizmos and the keys and plastic bits was tedious work, but it had to be done. One thing that I started to notice along my way eluding the police was that it's become that time again, where we celebrate our respective holidays. Starting with thanksgiving, which is one of the newer ones for me. I still remember giving those goddamned savages a taste of the meat when we first decided to share our food with them, but sure enough when those godless bastards thought we were trying to kill their god with our guns, they just had to go and revolt on us. Hell, I don't blame anybody for any of the horrible things done to those damned indians. You wake up without your scalp one morning and tell me if you don't hate the ones who done it to ya. I'll never forget the sheer terror of that indian womans eyes as I shot her husband point blank with my musket. Made up for the 14 weeks that it took for my scalp to heal back on, inbetween cleanings, dressings, stitchings, maggot cleanings, and re-stitchings.
  
  Well later on Thanksgiving became a more normal holiday that wasn't filled with hate, murder, mistrust and missing scalps. Thanksgiving became a holiday about love and remembering what you can be thankful for, as well as stuffing yer face fulla food until you couldn't damn near move anymore. It's always been one of the best holidays I've enjoyed, because it's never been tainted by horrible memories of elves and maneating raindeer, or ruined by goddamned thieving satanic vandals in costumes. Eventually I grew quite fond of many of the traditional dishes served on thanksgiving, and one in particular I loved every time I had it. My second wife taught it to me back in '48, whenever she wasn't raising hell and being a goddamned wasteful spendy whore. Every damn day she'd take my money and buy herself more and more appliances and clothes and things we didn't need, and instead of knowing her place like a woman should, would even show defiance to me openly.  I whupped her so goddamned hard every night she'd start crying and screaming and beg for mercy, but every damn day she would come back with some lip. That all stopped after I got some buddies and we enacted the dark bloodening ritual on her though. Demon came right out of her soul, shot up inna the air, screamed at me with its charcoal black eyes, and then burst into a thousand bright red dots of light, that slowly dimmed away as they fell to the ground into a pile of ash. Then I made the maid clean her up.
  
  Well anyhow, heres the recipe for the one thing that hog of a wife knew how to do right. I'll transcribe it as she wrote it for me.
  
  
  CANDIED YAMS.
  
  You'll need:
  
  

  6 large bright orange sweet potatoes, the orange ones from the local market. NOT the white ones.
  1 lb. dark brown sugar, YES a pound.
  1 stick of butter, and not the goat butter you always get.
  2 cups of miniature marshmallows, yes they exist. No they're not devil magic.
  1/4 cup of white sugar. YES you need both.
  2 teaspoons of salt, for flavor.
  
  
  

  Wash and peel potatoes, and they're SUPPOSED to look like that.  Chunk potatoes into 2 inch disks, it's just easier to serve that way. Put potatoes in a pan and cover with water. Add 2 teaspoons of salt and 1/4 cup of white sugar to the potatoes and water. Please don't forget to cover them too. Boil them until the potatoes are fork tender, which means until they're soft. It should take approximately 30 minutes. Then drain the potatoes. If you don't drain them, it'll get all ruined and you'll have to start again.
  

  The put the potatoes in a baking dish and sprinkle it with brown sugar. Then dot the potatoes with butter. If you've done everything correctly so far, then all you gotta do is bake it. I'm sure you can manage that right? Like you can manage the home? Like you can manage the money? I'M SO SURE.
  

  Bake the damn thing for 20 minutes in 350 degree oven. Sprinkle them with marshmallows. Again, they're new, but they're delicious. Not EVERYTHING you're unfamiliar with is EVIL. Then all you got left is to return the thing to the oven and bake it until the marshmallows are brown. Watch them or they'll burn. It's important that you watch them, so don't forget. Like my birthday. Or our anniversary. God I hate you.
  

  
  
  
  
  
  Well after getting rid of her it was a short two years until the Korean war. There I met a nice little korean gal by the name of Wong-Dae-Su. After planting my seed in her, I burned her village to the ground and got transported to a new unit. Well it was in that unit that we had a thanksgiving celebration, and I served them my own version of those candied yams I was so fond of, and they were a big hit. Unfortunately I accidentally spilled one of my vials of LSD into the mixture, and that entire unit tore themselves apart thinking they were dying, in hell, seeing twitching monsters, hearing voices telling them that god was dead and all was a lie. They spent the thole day ripping chunks off of eachother, and then violating the dead in ways that would shame a mans soul for all eternity, until only Carnby and I were left. But to be fair, I do think the LSD gave it a little bit of a kick.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  
  

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